This is Love

It seems like I haven’t been anywhere exciting in a while. I’m knee deep in home improvements and work. I’ve hated the carpet since the day we moved in 18 1/2 years ago. Light beige berber carpet. Blah. What a nightmare with kids. That, along with the crayon box colors……… but at least they weren’t anything seriously wrong. I mean, I lied with holes in the garage doors, a sinking front step, rotting retaining walls, half working ACs for 11 1/2 years, so what’s some funky carpet?

Marty works this weekend, so I am planning on painting the stair hall and upstairs hall. It goes like this, they accidentally put a hole in the while while running ethernet cable. I had no more paint the same color, so I used a piece that was punched out to get a gallon. Knowing that they never truly match it 100% and I would keep on painting. <laughter> I also need to paint trim in the rooms I painted recently along with the banisters on the stairs. I’m getting better at repairing holes. HA HA HA

Last Monday, I ordered my flooring from a small local business. It costs a little more than Lowes’ but it is a higher quality flooring and I get to support a local company who holds the same values that I do. Win-win. It’s gonna be a big chunk of change, but it will be worth it in the end. We won’t have to live with that nasty carpet and the new floors add value to my home. I sure hope that one day, when I am ready to sell, I can get a return on my investment.

Once the middle finishes painting his room today, there will only be one room in the house that I have not yet painted! The old classroom. I bought a 5 gallon bucket of the same color hoping that I can paint it, too. Then, I will have painted every single room in this house in the last 7 years. Sweat equity. Which brings me to love…..

This may sound like a pitiful statement at the age of 55 or maybe I am not alone in saying that I never knew what it was like to be truly loved until the last few years. I was not unconditionally loved as a child or an adult in any relationship. As a child, I learned that love came with conditions, strings attached. As a teenager, my parents didn’t do a whole lot with me. Instead, my mom would give me a credit card or cash and tell me that if I went x,y, or z by myself, then I could spend X amount. If I did X, then they would do Y. They never told me they loved me, that I can remember. That’s what love was to me always some condition attached. I was an inconvenience as a child, often told I was hated or a bad child. On and on. That’s why I found nothing abnormal in other relationships–until I went to therapy.

Now I still go to therapy once in a while for the opposite reason. Normal confuses my brain. I understand Jesus’ sacrificial love, but had never experienced it in a human relationship. Let me rephrase that, I sacrificed for my family out of love, but had never had another person sacrifice anything for me or my children. Not to come to surgeries, the hospital, etc. It always bewildered me until recently. I thought it was something I was doing or had done. As it turns out, some people do not have the capacity to love.

I’ve asked Marty at least a hundred times why he is doing this work at my house. He comes by when I am not here, on his days off, to work on my floor. They are not his grandchildren. It’s not his house. He doesn’t have to put any time, effort or money into any of this, but he does it willingly. Just because. Then it hit me. This is true love. He doesn’t expect anything in return, he just does the work because he knows that it needs to be done. It blows my mind as much as it makes my heart full. What a blessing!

We pulled up most of the carpet and there was some water damage to the top layer of subfloor in a few places. One spot was where the air exchange had leaked, another in my oldest son’s room and in my room there is damage by the windows. We still have to get the carpet up in my middle son’s room, but are focusing on the grands’ room, hallway and guest bedroom for now. Once we get that done, we will replace the subfloor in my room and lay the flooring. Last we will get to the middle’s room. My oldest son, DIL and their 4 children will be coming to stay for a while and I need to get it ready. I had planned on doing this in January, but the visit made me start early. I’m excited.

Of course, I ordered the flooring last week and my range top had another burner break this week. I looked it up and the range is 13.5 years old. “They” say the average life of an electric range is 13 years. This stupid Samsung– within a few years, the led lights stopped working– you can’t see the timer or clock numbers, but you can see when you preheat it/oven temp. The left front burner broke about 4 -5 years in, so I never used it except to boil water. It cooked on high heat no matter which number setting it was on. So, I lived with one large burner for the last 9 years or so. I first noticed it when it burned my roux after one Thanksgiving. LOL Marty fixed the burner a week or so ago– replaced the broken part, BUT the big burner still doesn’t work, the little one works on various temps, so I thought it was a great win.

In the last few weeks, I also noticed that things were cooking hot– but we had followed some recipes — blackened chicken, pork, salmon, that called for setting the burner on high for a few minutes before turning to medium. Twice we got smoked out of the house and we thought it was the seasoning with the high heat. So I tried it just on medium and same thing. Marty came to do some work yesterday before he had to go to work…… then he went to cook his supper (he carried his dinner to work) and while he had the burner on 2, it was smoking. The middle noticed that this big burner was broken, but the inner small one still works. Add that to the fact that the coating on the inside of the oven is cracked and falling off…… I need to make a decision.

What it comes down to is the fact that I need at least one big burner that works in order to cook bacon. Life without bacon isn’t worth living, therefore, I need a new range. LOL

Home ownership. It can seem like we live in the movie The Money Pit. Last year at this time, the fridge died. The new one delivered on Christmas Eve. I got a new–used—dryer last year and had to get a new washing machine. I thought things came in threes. I guess three per year. Ha ha. I looked up when the dishwasher was replaced– 2015. So I am hoping that it gives me a few more years. I kept thinking the water heater would be next, as I have not replaced it since I moved in over 18 years ago……how much longer will my luck hold out there? LOL My new AC units are 5 years old, so I think they should be good to go for a while. Those were the first things I replaced when I refinanced the house in my name only. <<—- complete miracle on both counts.

I am rambling on and on. Love is perplexing to me because I have never been on this end of it– where someone does all these amazing things without any expectation of getting anything in return. I have explained the point system to Marty, but as we are not married, he cannot yet redeem the points. That’s a key component to point redemption. <giggle>. He knows it’s just a joke…. marriage/relationships don’t work on points. It sure does feel good to be loved unconditionally, and not just by Jesus.