Tomorrow is going to be a very difficult day. Lap of Love is coming to put Shadow to sleep. Even though I knew this day was coming, nothing could prepare my heart.
Eight years ago, Sean and I rescued Shadow. Shadow lived with me while Sean was away at college. The lovable malamute became my best friend. Shadow came into my life when I was at a point of despair. One year earlier, my husband of 24 years had left our marriage. It was a very difficult and confusing time for me and I cried out to God for relief most of nights. I fell asleep crying nightly and woke up to go to work with red, puffy eyes. I was literally miserable and hardly slept. I felt like a zombie– just going through the motions to survive.
I was battling my own thoughts about my life every single day. At one point, I thought I couldn’t even BE Catholic if I was divorced. I was struggling to find my place in the world because being a wife was such a great title and honor to me. In an instant, my world was turned upside down. The world swirled on around me in a blur, while I was trying to find a reason to live. Enter Shadow, a 5 year old, 110 pound malamute. He accepted me and loved me. He gave me unconditional love.
Shadow’s owner had abandoned him and he was very scared his first few weeks in my house. Shadow took daily walks with me. We went on hiking journeys. These early adventures built a bond between us that overcame his fear. I tried to get him to sleep in my room and encouraged him to get on the furniture. He never did. That was my only disappointment with this dog. He never would hop on ANY furniture. <smile>
I went with him to dog friendly wineries and places with outside dog friendly patio dining. He was my date. Once I got the job as warehouse manager, they allowed him to come to work with me! This was amazing! This dog loved all the installers and the delivery men who came to the warehouse. We took lunch breaks at the snow cone place a block from the warehouse. He loved the doggy snow cones they served. Life was good again.
I rescued him and he rescued me. It was just me and Shadow for a few years. The boys were off at college and Shadow worked on all the home projects with me! He was my best friend who was here for me through many a lonely night. I started looking forward to the weekends again. Shadow and I did fun things together on the weekends and it really made life normal again. This dog saved me!
Fast forward to the present……..
We have had Shadow in diapers for at least 6 months because he can’t make it through the night. He’s had some difficulty getting up off the floor for some time, but it has gotten worse in the last few months. We have a harness that hooks to his front and his back. This helps us to lift him when he cannot lift himself. We’ve known he’s had pain, but it has gotten worse recently. Sunday night, he was up most of the night in pain.
I called Lap of Love the next day. Monday night he seemed better and I wondered if I had made the wrong decision. I asked God last night to please give me a sign that I had made the right decision. He did. God made it clear. Shadow was pacing and moaning last night. His breathing is labored and he’s ready.
Did I ever mention that Shadow went with me on my first date with Marty? I met Marty for hiking at the lake and brought Shadow along. The boys hit it off, however, the first time Marty sat next to me on the sofa, Shadow hopped up and got a few inches from Marty’s face and growled. As Marty came around more and more, Shadow learned to love him!
I bought a tent for Shadow early on, but he never liked being closed up in my room or a tent. Camping with him was an epic fail. He has faithfully slept in front of the front door for 8 years because it was his spot and he did not like sleeping in my room with the door closed. He made a good guard dog. He wasn’t a fan of the ocean and has never liked water. In true malamute fashion, he has always loved snow!
My heart will shatter into a thousand pieces tomorrow, but I know it is the right thing to do. He has many growths all over his body, he needs us to help him get up several times a day and night. He stays in the same spot for most of the day. He needs help getting up the steps of the deck. He cries and yips and it is gut wrenching to hear. Malamutes live between 10-12 years, on average. Shadow is 13 1/2. He’s had a good life. Fly high, big boy, fly high.
My Little Red Bike 