When I called Lap of Love on Tuesday, I asked God to give me a sign that I had made the right decision. Today is going to be SO hard, but God has shown all three of us that euthanizing Shadow this afternoon is the right decision. God really showed up.
No one wants to make this choice. No one. Our animals are family and this malamute is no exception. This dog saved my life by helping me LIVE again. I cannot even begin to express my gratitude to this gentle giant. He sat with me through many tears and endless nights of sobbing. Being abandoned and going through empty nest at the same time is brutal. If you are going through a similar thing in your life right now– get a rescue dog. Rescues mend hearts.
Dogs give unconditional love that humans are just not capable of, in my opinion. Try as we might, we humans have thoughts and attitudes and judgements about everything. I’m sitting here with him at my feet thinking about all the projects he helped me with. I repainted the entire house– inside and out. He went to Lowe’s with me to pick out the paint. He sat watching it dry with me.
He went to work with me almost daily. This dog gave me a reason to live when I was at rock bottom. Living in a house with just me and him…….it was quiet and peaceful. Quiet allows the thoughts to creep in. Thoughts gave way to tears and he was there as I wept. I wept for the loss, I wept for what could have been. I wept as I realized that human vows aren’t always taken seriously. He never judged me. He was just there through it all.
It’s as if he understood the heartache and pain. He also loved to dance! Sometimes, needing to lift my spirits, I would turn on the music and dance. Shadow would bounce and dance with me. We whirled and twirled through the house– just the two of us. No judgement on our dance moves. He never cared if I listened to the same song 12 times in a row. He just loved to dance. He hasn’t been able to dance in at least 3 years. He no longer counter surfs for food.
His age shows in his eyes and the growths on his body are more apparent. Last year when he fell over and couldn’t get back up on his own, we thought he didn’t have much time left. Yet here we are over a year later. My heart wants him to keep on going. His body says otherwise. He’s moaned in pain through the night and thrown up all is special treats. Last night we helped him through the night. He threw up 3 times. God let me heart know that it is time.
I made bacon for him today and have one more piece of his special cake. When the vet arrives to sedate him, I will let him eat these special treats first. He will be sedated and when it is time, he will receive the final shot. Ammy and Ghost will be able to sniff him once he is gone. Hopefully, this will ease their search instinct. Ammy will likely take it the hardest as he was her when she moved in as a small pup.
We watched most of Snow Buddies with him last night before heading off to bed. It’s all so bittersweet. Last night was the last night he will sleep in the house and tonight will be the first. I’ll miss his woo woos and grumpy grandpa self. As he got older he seems to want to play with Ghost and Ammy, but it looks like he is fussing at them– so we call him grumpy grandpa.
I’m sorry that he’s in pain, but I am also glad that God gave me signs that it is time to let go. I do believe that God brought this dog into my life for a reason. I believe that with all my heart. I’m working from home today and it has been a struggle focusing, so here I sit while eating an early lunch writing about this special furry friend. Thank you, God, for bringing Shadow into my life. Thank you for letting me know it’s time.
My Little Red Bike 